I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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