I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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