he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
