i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't deserve a penis
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
