I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
