You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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