My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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