no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
