we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
