Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
