i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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