I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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