I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He better not be in your backpack
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize