I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
