OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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