jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need to stop coming to work sober
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
