Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize