walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
