Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
