You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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