I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
