my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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