just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
