just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
