Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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