The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
