I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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