i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
