you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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