Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
