i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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