His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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