i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
