Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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