More tranny stories later!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
