3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
