Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it glows. i had to have it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
