Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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