OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
