How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
