hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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