I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
