There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
