You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
