Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
