Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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