Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
