so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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