and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
