Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
