I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize