Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
two words: eviction party
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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