I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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