No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
