Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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