they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
