In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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