Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
