She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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