i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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