FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
