CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
