only if we run a train.
done.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
