I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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