I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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