I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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