and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
