he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
