bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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