I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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