Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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