the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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