Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
