I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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