for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
